Breaking Dawn my way
by Lily of Chastity
Summary: Psh, the real Breaking Dawn was terrible. I'm writing it how I deem necessary. See how the betrayal of her beloved Edward, and the true nature of a vampire affects Isabella Swan Cullen.
1. An Overwhelming Sensation

ATTENTION.

I've got to get this out of the way before you read this chapter, so please, do read.

Though I am a fan of Twilight, Full Moon, and Eclipse, Breaking Dawn was an EXTREME disappointment, and I plan on writing this to the extent of my satisfaction because of how utterly disgusted I was with the outcome of S. Meyer's fourth book. So I've decided to start writing from the point of Edward and Bella's honeymoon, which is where it will get entirely different, I _hope_. So here are the things I warn you about.

It does include the pregnancy If of Renesmee, but if you're a fan of her, I suggest you not read this fan fic.

I plan on bringing out both Bella and Edward's personalities _my _way. I'll exaggerate them a bit more than what they were intended to really be.

Everything will _not _end perfectly and clichéd in my version.

If you're alright with all of these things, then I hope you enjoy my version of Breaking Dawn. (Told from Bella's point of view).

Chapter One: An Overwhelming Sensation

I couldn't really do much with myself, as of now, I felt like pure shit. As I ingested the rest of the chicken I'd just cooked, the pain in my bowels seemed to intensify; I couldn't stand it. As fast as my brain could process my actions, I found myself in the bathroom, hugging the mouth of the toilet seat. At times like these, it amuses me just how much we could care less at the fact rear ends have let lose feces at the spot the cheek of your face lies. I was very uncomfortable, only feeling my gag reflexes let loose on me. I let out the remains of my breakfast into the water of the bowl, only to notice my husband glancing in from the door. It was both frustrating and embarrassing to me to have him see me this way, so I gestured my hand, signaling my desire to be alone. But of course, knowing my persistent Edward, he ignored this request and entered in anyways. I drug my arm up onto the handle, and let the weight of my arm compress the lever, resulting in the flush.

"Why do you insist on being here when I'm in such a wretched situation"? My voice let out. It exited out of my throat in a muffled choked sound, making it seem more as if a moan.

"I suggest you get used to it," He said, ignoring my question before continuing, "What's wrong with you exactly?"

Raising both of my eyebrows, letting in a large inhale, I brought myself to my feet while recalling the chicken again, which only made me feel gross once again. "The meat in the fridge..." I muttered, hiding my face into the palm of my hand. It was only an attempt to hide how I was feeling.

"What, would you like to return home now? We've been here two weeks or so now, it's been awhile. Perhaps it's time."

Whoa, wait a second! Did Edward just say two _**weeks? **_I repeated that in my head once again, trying to comprehend the situation. I scratched the back of my head, while wearing a grimace expression on my face. I'd probably held it a long time, the fact that Edward kept asking 'what's wrong', 'what's wrong', 'what's wrong'!

Regardless of my frustration of his continuous asking, I thought of one majour possibility. How wacko would I be to actually think this particular idea would actually be the reason? Probably not wacko at all at the fact I _am _married to a vampire, anything's possible. But this... quickly? Was I really insane was all I could ask myself. I shook my head and stood up, walking to the vanity mirror in the bedroom opposite me and Edward's temporary room. Every step seemed to last hours, the fear began to overwhelm me. The idea that I could be right, I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it. At first profile, I slowly turned myself to the front view of the mirror, my head down. The yanking pull of gravity was too heavy for me to bear at this moment. My heart fluttered a bit, as I pulled my heavy head toward the reflection that stood before me, waiting to look me straight back in the eyes. Before I was fully faced myself, I felt Edward appear behind me, his cold, bloodless hands curled around the narrow curves of my shoulders. I had every right to believe he has the same superstitions as I did. I had no idea what it was he thought, but I was ready to reveal to myself the truth. My eyes met with that of my reflection, the sincere fear she shown sent a chill up my spine.

Brushing the hair dangling on my breasts away to my back, I slowly but gently lifted the cloth covering my stomach area. One last time, before answering myself, I looked up into the reflection of the mirror, but to the face hovering above my reflection. The normally shimmering golden, thick glazed eyes I knew so well weren't there. What stared back at me were empty pools of flattened yellow, a glimpse of fear echoing from their cores.

I winced back, my own eyes giving off an aura of fear, before glancing down at my stomach. I could feel the muscle contractions of my iris push my pupils into the size of needle points as the fear and shock of my idea filled me. The blood drained from my face, and the energy I once had moments ago left in an instant, causing me to collapse to the floor. Edward dealt with the situation himself in his own way, but I couldn't pay him much mind at the moment. The cold feeling of the floor made me shiver, as I dragged my arm back to my body, only to press my hand against my stomach. I was fully convinced went I felt a small movement inside of my body. _Pregnant. _It was the only word that would flash into my mind. _Mother. _That was another. The shock soon began to fade away, as I began to imagine the idea of my future family. Everything was so sudden, I wasn't sure if I could deal with it all at once. But for sure, I knew for a fact that while I thought of anything and everything, there was a smile on my face. It was irremovable. Life, it couldn't get any better than this. I couldn't wait to see how Edward was taking it, as I brought myself up from the floor, resting on my legs. I looked back to see his face. I was wrong. The feeling was removable. Seeing Edward's face was dead certain. He wasn't happy about this.

"E-Ed..ward?" I stuttered, feeling my face display both worry and shock. He read my excitement, I could tell. He was thinking of something completely different. That's what made me not smile. My happiness was immediately replaced with worry.

"We should return home," he spoke. There was no emotion present in his voice as he suggested our return. His speed was only adequate to his preference at this specific time. I couldn't believe it was like this now. I was so excited only days ago, only now to be brought to the point of worry at the idea of what is to become of us, my child and me. I felt an instant connection with him, and it made me that much more scared at the idea of something bad happening to our baby. I watched as Edward stopping in his tracks, and pulled out his cell phone from his pocket. He rushed out of the room, only to give me more time with the idea of what had just been realized within moments.

"Carlisle," Edward spoke into the speaker.

"Edward"? The voice replied.

"When we return home, be prepared immediately. I've-we've decided to turn her into a vampire as soon as we get home."

"Oh really? What brought this decision on?" At the question, Edward shuttered.

"A complication. It's brought Bella to the possibility of death".


	2. Compulsion Twisted Fear

Chapter Two: Compulsion twisted Fear

I just let him decide whatever it was he had. He normally would fight against what I wanted if he thought lowly of it anyways. My guess was he wasn't quite ready to deal with the idea of being a father. Which was why I was wondering who he called. Probably our home to let everyone know we were coming back. Or maybe even to tell them of the sudden surprise we'd received. The bitterness he might have been expressing could have been coming from the shock. Perhaps he really actually was looking forward to this. But, sadly, all I was able to do was consistently guess at his actions, as for everything he's done so far has only taken me by surprise, and that was something I'd prefer not to happen. I wasn't the most talented at predicting his actions, but for the most part they were always somewhat expected, and so far everything he's done was what I was _not _expecting him to do. I didn't feel like dealing with it anymore, so I decided to attempt to shrug it off, for now.

My jaw line was perfectly parallel to the floor, as I stood there, rummaging through my bag to find something a bit more comfortable to wear. I removed my clothes, since they somehow caught what was left of my morning sickness, and slid on a long sleeved black shirt, and a simple pair of blue jeans. I ignored the mess as I slipped on my flip flops, since I knew Edward would tend to it, his speed would take care of that later. Right now, it was just time for me to feel the happiness and joy of what it was I was carrying around with me. And how in the world did it happen so quickly? Unanswerable questions, that was all I was capable of asking.

Sitting down in the front room that faced the northern side of the isle, I again pressed my hand to my stomach. I felt something move, and it moved me. The sudden connection a mother can make to her child, it was like no other. The instant love, though you'd never of met them. It consumed my entire mind.

The imagine of mine and Edwards son running around us as we happily sit on the stool of the piano, he playing a magnificent piece, I listening attentively, as I watched our child play. Was I a fool for dreaming such a dream, I asked myself as I placed my hand to my cheek in awe. It was like, a calm spring day, the first of the season. The flowers just opening, the birds just returning, singing their song of life, as it continued in a new circle, the cycle never ending. That's all I could see, our future, never-ending, full of possibilities and much happiness.

There was no darkness imaginable in _my _imagination, but in reality, was there? I frowned at those possibilities as well, glancing up at the ten o'clock sun, while its gleaming beams shot off at me; it's every ray embracing me warmly. There wasn't much I could think of. The past fifteen minutes actually did change my life for the better, and I was in every way satisfied, except for a few things. How was I going to tell my dad about this? I probably wasn't going to care much at the fact I'd be lusting blood over anything else in the world for what seems to be a few years, from what Jasper and the others have seem to believe. I was afraid of that. If I became a vampire now, I wouldn't get to experience my son? Would my son even be able to meet my family?

How was my son even possible? From logical terms, Edward, who is dead, has no blood, and incapable of producing sperm, could **not **have impregnated me. In folklore, a vampire was only a demon or spirit possessing a corpse. But that wasn't even Edward's situation, he was once a human, turned into a vampire from lethal venom. Or, perhaps, on other terms, Edward carried some type of darkness, since it is said his species is considered the damned, which in some ways could make him a demon? Demons, in a supernatural way, are able to impregnate mortal women by their powers, sexually. But when Edward and I had sex, it didn't seem in any way he was merely trying to create spawn. He had sex with me because he loved me, and I loved him. How was what we created possible?

Unconcerned, it exists, some unimaginable way. We have a child, and that was that. I couldn't deny my impossible child the existence of life, and through me, he shall be carried through until he is capable of living on his own, out in the world along with his father and I.

"Alright, everything's good..." Edward muttered to himself as he zipped up the last suitcase. He still was rather flabbergasted at the situation. There wasn't much else to do but leave now, which was exactly what he was planning to do. He stomped his way across the upstairs floor, into the stairway, and into the room I was located in. I heard him step onto the floor, but then he ceased to move anymore than that. I didn't look back, but I knew, he again was staring at me. He seemed to always do that.

"I'll let her have her last moment," I could have sworn that's what I heard. It was faint, and quieter than a whisper. I jerked my head around to face the direction I believed Edward to be, but when I looked, he was not there. Perhaps I was indeed hearing things. Shifting my lips to the side of my face, I felt puzzled with him. If only I could predict his thoughts. It would help me so much. I lived it up, my "moment" with the sun, as I confided in the idea of being a mother.

"Alright Mrs. Cullen, it's time for us to get out of here," his voice reached me from the sliding glass door from the side, the luggage already with him at his feet. I turned my head toward him and gave him one assuring nod, and lifted myself up, and walked to him. I looked up at him, happiness filling his features. With that, every doubt and worry was replaced with relief. It was instant. And now I was sure everything was going to be okay. I returned the happiness, as I stepped out of the house, Edward locking it from behind me.

"I love you," I told him as we both sat down into the boat.

"As I love you," He returned to me, the endless saying I refuse to let become ageless.

"May I see the phone, Edward"? I asked him, pressing my lips together. He was hesitant, and then rejected my offer as the motor of the boat was started.

"There is no signal here in the water, you know. I suggest you wait until we get on the plane, alright?" With that, I nodded. Why not, it wasn't as if I couldn't tell everyone later. It was extremely difficult restraining myself from the excitement I contained. I now had an idea of how difficult it was for Edward keeping himself from letting loose on me.

The boat ride lasted a fair amount of time, probably about twenty minutes tops. It was oddly quiet the entire time. As we docked, I couldn't keep the silence anymore.

"What's holding your tongue"? I inquired. It sounded more of a demand to know.

"Just so much on my mind right now Bella. Forgive me, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to talk more if you'd like," He assured me. I nodded.

"It's alright," I replied. I was going to talk my jaw off once we were in the air. That's something I was dead sure on. I had to talk about it to him. I wanted to know everything he was imagining, his thoughts on the future, and the idea of him being a father. And also, the idea of maybe even waiting a little while longer before changing me into a vampire.

Our ride through the city was a bit boring, I just thinking entirely of what I'd been going on about for the past hour. There was nothing I could see that would ruin this. Not a thing in existence.

Finally, we were boarding the plane. _Finally _I could talk to him about it. We took our seats, and we were off. I didn't even bother asking him for the phone this time. I took it from him myself, and called Carlisle, just to have him tell him about our unexpected surprise in case Edward already hadn't. It began ringing, only abrupty interrupted with the questioning tone of "Hello"?

"Hi Carlisle! Did Edward already tell you"?

"He told me you both were heading home now, so we're expecting you".

"Well, there's a reason".

"Don't hold back. Please, do tell me".

"Edward and I are expecting!" I exclaimed. My voice cracked, and I giggled. I was unusually giddy.

"Whoa…! Congratulations! I'll be letting everyone know—I'm sorry Bella, I'll be waiting for you both. I've got some things to do. Bye".

Something about that seemed a bit off. It made me go back into thinking deeply. Edward still held a smile, and that was reassuring. Was there something going on that he wasn't telling me? I didn't want to talk anymore. It would only lead to more questions. I wanted answers. It was silent, the rest of the trip. But me and Edward kept on smiling, showing each other just how excited we were on the idea of having a child. We boarded off the plane, and drove home. We exited the car, and then unlocked the door, and headed into the house.

"We're home-!" I hollered. In a flashing instant, I was slammed into the wall, and felt something sunk deeply into my neck.


	3. Can't Fight The Devil, No

Chapter Three: Can't Fight the Devil, No.

It took me awhile to comprehend the moment, as I dared to look down at what was forced into what had taken me by surprise. I realized I had pinched my eyes together from the fear I felt as a reaction, and I felt a bit compelled to continue with it, perhaps in some odd type of hope in it protecting me. Fear wasn't a good aspect to have in situations like these, and I had to shove it off.

I looked down to the left of my neck, to see a hand pushing some type of fluid in through a syringe. It was purely clear, with a gentle silver tone the way the light was hitting it. I was able to notice all of this while feeling an arm restraining my ability to move away from this situation. My mind couldn't grasp it at all as I processed the action I had no idea what was for. My sight was a bit blurred, as my eyes searched around, looking for something, which not even I was sure of. An answer, maybe? A hand. Right. My weak head followed the hand to the arm, to the shoulder, to the nape of the neck, to the face. Whose face was I looking at? Ignoring my dull vision, my mind was completely aware of everything, and the moment I realized that, was the moment I attempted to fight back, and get away. The face, the face, who did that face belong to, I questioned as I pushed the arm off of my bosom.

It should have been obvious, the narrow bone structure of the face, the calm, but unhappy emotion he was displaying. The blond hair should have immediately given me the answer. It was Carlisle, pushing some type of chemical into my body system. But, for what reason? Was this what he was planning to do the moment he told me off of the phone? I didn't get it, what was that fluid he was pushing into my neck?

I deep throbbing pulse made its way into my cheeks, my face became oddly hot, and tears of confusion and anger poured out of my eyes as to the fact I was completely helpless when it came to this super powered creatures forcing me into something I had no idea what. I dared to ask.

"What is that?" my voice managed to push out past the whimpers and weeps. It was silent, for what seemed to be a long time. In this moment, it was only Carlisle and I, as we stared off at each other, neither budging an inch of our current positions.

"Its morphine," he answered me, the frown from his face unfading. I knew what that was. And I was surprised I hadn't noticed its effects on me earlier. I should have felt it. The tips of my fingers and toes both were getting oddly numb, and my arms and legs losing power, though I was still strongly aware of my consciousness. He removed the needle from my flesh, and ignored where it landed. I realized that I no longer could hold myself standing, which resulted in Carlisle carrying me into the fate in which awaited me. Us…

Where was Edward? Why wasn't he helping me? Did he decide this, whatever was going to happen? Or perhaps it was Carlisle, advising Edward to allow this to happen. It must've had something to do with what was inside me.

"No!" I screamed, understanding that was exactly what it was. I couldn't kick or fight my way out of this since my limbs were so weak. There was absolutely no way for getting us out of this.

"Edward!" My blood curdling scream echoed, as then my sight worsened for the most unpleasant. I felt the drop of my body on some type of cold table, instantly sending chills up my spine. It made my hair stand. This was the most bitter of all colds I'd ever of felt. It was probably because of what I knew what lay in store for me. I began to get drowsy, unable to keep focus on anything. What my eyes could catch were only blotches of shapes and colors. In a way it was like looking out from a fishbowl. Having no main focus from sight, everything around it completely mixed in with the rest.

The voices were continuing, and I was a bit to unable to understand most of it, but I caught "bite" and "crush" within the slur. And then, at my shoulder, a shadow came closer to me, and I could make out the face to be that of my husbands. I felt him nuzzle into my neck and say something I guessed to be "I love you," before I felt a cold sensation buried into my shoulder. I really didn't understand; as I lifted my head as high as I could, noticing the lower half of my torso was open. I was completely full of shock and fear as I saw my own blood. As weak as the morphine made me, I was still able to hurl out contents of my insides, spilling it all over myself.

"Ignore it!" someone demanded, "focus on this." I heard some rather disgusting crackling noises, which triggered my gag reflex yet again. The complete opposite had happened from before; the blood was draining out of my face, as the blur of my vision hovered over something in the shadows hand. It looked like a small baby doll. It moved. What Was That!

"What is that!" I screamed, writhing a bit. The shadow holding it within its hands curled its fingers around it, and crushed it as quickly as I noticed. But I was unable to continue focusing on it, for right then, something new hit me.

It was a bitter burning sensation, growing every second I could notice it in a new place. Every time I noticed it progress an inch, it was already an inch forward. It was as if a slow fire, the colour blue, dragging its way across my body. This right here, what I was feeling, it was unmistakable. This was hell.


	4. I See The Light

Chapter Four: I See The Light

There were many pains I've experienced within my short lived life, but this burning place, was beyond the far worse. There was no way to escape it, for no matter where I ran, the second place was just as painful as the first. I tried distracting myself with twitches and jerks, but in all, I failed every single time.

I wallowed in what I knew no one had ever experienced. This was a never before level of pain experienced. It was misery, agony, and death all rolled up into one session just for me. What had I done to deserve this punishment? Was it because of the fact I'd embraced a forbidden love with death itself?

The movement was uncontrollable, perhaps a natural reaction to when someone is in pain. The fact that the dancing flames of the hottest content were dancing upon me, as if my screams were amusing them, wouldn't stop, only moving forward to their heart's content. I kicked and screamed more and more, and it seemed to only make it double. I knew it, I was burning alive. It felt as if it had been years. How long had It been?

All I wanted was for someone to end this. Where was I? How did I get into such a state like this? Where had I gone? I didn't understand anything, or know my own existence.

Voices fleeted from my ear as I blinked my eyes. I only saw blackness, not even the glow of the contents of fire.

Fire, fire, fire! Why was it here! I pulled my hands to my face and began clawing at my cheeks. I'm not sure why, perhaps to take my mind off of the burn. I then found myself back where I started, my nails digging into my hell bed.

All I wanted was a lovely sized concrete brick to bash my head against until I didn't feel anything anymore, or, could even think for that matter.

I'm not sure why I was here, what did I do? How did I get to this point of life? There had to be some reason. What was my name? I could hardly inch a thought beyond the burn since it was so distracting. There wasn't much I could do but force questions into my mind while being where it was I was.

My name, I continued, searching for the answer as the flames kissed and embraced my lips and hands. I gnawed and gnashed while bashing my head and screaming some more. I thrashed in my place, feeling a swirl of heat around my brain. I wasn't allowed to die just yet, was I?

What was this? Words, how? While questioning myself, I began slamming my fists into whatever material or substance lay under them. All the while feeling vibrations, it couldn't remove the focus I had on the burn.

Was I alive?

Was I dead?

Was this eternal damnation?

Is this what I've obtained for committing some type of act?

How.

Was.

I.

**HERE!**

I kicked, and screamed, and threw a tantrum as I didn't want to feel this. I couldn't get out of it. I didn't understand. Was there _even _a way out of this?

WHERE WAS IT! I couldn't find it. The burning sensation merely followed my every movement to where I rolled, or where I clawed.

There was no way out of it. But then, suddenly, I found myself unable to jerk. I couldn't escape! I was now forced by something to endure this? WHY ME WHY ME WHY MEEEEEE!

Regardless of clawing and clenching my teeth, and fists together, it could not change the fact; I had to deal with these flames nonetheless.

I could feel it now. My skin was probably black. Or maybe it was no longer there. What if I was something else? I rubbed my finger tips together to see if I was still in tact, and it indeed seemed likewise that.

I had to figure out a way to die. There had to be a way. How, how, how, OH MY DEAR LORD HOW DO I DIE!

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!

WHAT IS WORTH THIS BURN!

NOTHING!

SAVE ME! PLEASE!

GET ME OUT OF HERE!

I couldn't face this bitter reality. Screaming at whatever entity existed, that could, perhaps, deliver me from this unescapable torment no normal mortal could find a way out of.

I wasn't even sure if my screams were within my mind, or actually exiting my mouth.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!

Immediately, I felt a relief. It didn't last long at all. But it was lovely. There were no words to describe how heavenly and majestic the one fraction of a second relief had felt, only to once more be consumed by the revenge seeking blackness that seemed to desire burning me for a long period of time.

WHYYYYY!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I let out many cries and pleas, whimpers and weeps. I pouted as I writhed. I pounded and kicked.

I searched for relief. Why couldn't it be mine?

HOW LONG!

How long had I actually been here? How long have I felt this way? Was anyone with me? I had to realize I was alone. It was just as bad as the burn itself.

SAVE ME!

No, that's not what I wanted. I wanted to die. They had to kill me.

KILL ME!

I WANT TO DIE!

JUST PLEASE EN-

Wait a second, I thought to myself. The pain. It's.. wearing off. It's unlingering. It's disappearing. Oh, the relief!

It was absolutely wonderful! There was nothing quite like it. I could feel myself sigh in relief, uncaring of the persistence of the burn. They were fading, but still burned. I still screamed, but it was that much more bareble. Barely There.

In fact, the blackness in itself, was fading. My eyes were gathering swirls. Unidentifiable swirls. I could think again.

What was my name? Isabella.

Why was I doing this? I thin- Wait. What was this?

How DID I get here?

Everything. It all alas had stopped., all in all, the burn was gone. I focused as best I could through my eyes. The light, it was immense light. It burned my eyes. But now, I had to figure out what the fuck that was.


	5. Reality Is A Bullet, Love Karma

Chapter Five: Lament Fletching

This was indeed quite a strange revelation to experience. It was not right. I felt completely different than what I believed I should. It was bitter, and a sorrow developed sometime in between during my absence. I lowered my brow in frustration, my mind unsure of where it was supposed to be. It was just too much to comprehend at the time I was released from my burning punishment. So many questions without answers; this was what seemed to come with Edward. Could I really deal with this my entire life?

I finally began focusing what it was that my eyes were gathering. What was it I was seeing exactly? I looked around where it was a lay. It was very much familiar. But then again, I'd never seen anything that looked like this before. Everything looked pure; my eyes able to capture every edge and corner my eyes could catch. It was all I was able to focus on it seemed. Perhaps this was how someone felt when they'd first recovered from a surgery. Over analyzing things, their depth, shape; the overall object in itself. I could see much more to the things I analyzed as well. The desk near the wall holding several large books, for example, took my attention for a moment. I noticed the many nicks in the shelf supporting the books, and many rips and tears in their pages; the light dust that sprinkled their tops. The floors groves, its pattern, and what embellished it. Dust was a majour aspect I continued to see and focus on. It was everywhere.

Colours had never clashed together so hard. They were distracting as well. I'd never seen colours like these. They were as if gem stones. The pea green walls seemed to glow into freshly cut emeralds, the lighting hitting them just right. The blood coloured carpet shimmered as if shattered rubies all over the floor. I observed the glass windows, shooting off rainbow like light rays off onto the side.

Sounds were even sharper. There were so many to listen to, I couldn't choose just one to listen to. I could feel the pulse of a nearby wood. I could hear the life of nature pulse and throb its way to the palm of my hand. I could also feel the stillness of the room, and the quietness of the outside of the room I was in. But then I heard _clop, clop, clop, _coming closer toward me. It was odd how I reacted, for I know I'd not do it willingly, but it happened. I let out some type of _hiss. _It was strange to me, when would I snarl and growl like an animal. But uncaring, I seemed to stare dead on at the door, for it began to open. The squeak was so high pitched, I let out another hiss. What. Was. Wrong. With. Me?

In stepped Edward. But he wasn't going to be alone. I heard many more steps following behind his. They all were coming. Every single last one of his family members, to possibly see me? I was hesitant as he came closer to me. I backed away, recalling every action that had happened from what seemed to be moments before. The hellish burn wasn't even present within my mind. In fact, it was the furthest thing on my mind at the moment I'd seen his face. Everything that had happened earlier, _that's _what I was worried about. How would I get around this one, was all I needed to know. I exhaled, just before realizing not feeling the need to continue doing so as my husband walked to the edge of the metal bed I was sitting up on. I glared at him, his face sympathetic toward mine. I arched an eyebrow in inquiry as everyone else alas came to join us. This must've been some type of party, because I obviously was missing something.

My new sensitive eyes skimmed the party that surrounded me, over analyzing everything. But once my sight gazed over the face of Carlisle's, I couldn't help but choke a moment on my own depressing memories. As he came closer toward me, I couldn't help but cringe away from his presence in fear, letting out more howling hisses and glares. He knew I didn't want him around me. I didn't even know what was going on. Finally, I was going to demand some of these answers I so longingly searched for.

"What's happened?" My voice had cracked. When I heard it, I knew something completely odd was going on. That wasn't the voice that belonged to me, Isabella Swan. No, that was someone else's. What had they done? A brain transplant? Edward's expression shifted from one of concern to one of heavy musing. He opened his mouth, about to answer, but then deciding at the last moment not to. I balled my hands into tight fists and threw them down into the platform. After the results I'd seen, It was obvious what they'd done to me. The deep holes were quite clear.

"Without my consent..." I trailed off, the wallowing sorrow swallowing any other emotions that I'd felt at that moment. It was not a good feeling. I was now one of them. I shook my head in disbelief. I wanted to cry, but I knew that it wasn't possible. There wasn't any way to do that.

I thought, when I became a vampire, I'd be so happy, because it's what I'd wanted ever since I'd met Edward, but now that's it's a reality, I couldn't believe how badly I wanted the opposite. It wasn't the fact I was one, but the process in which I'd became one. They forced it on me. But why? WHY would they do this to me? That had to of been the reason Edward went to talk out on the phone alone, to schedule this! Even though I had no pulsing blood running through my hands, they still managed to become numb. I could feel the hurt I displayed, turned into this. I brushed my hand against my stomach, feeling the smooth, stone like features it had become. But then, it had hit me. My baby was gone. I twisted my head at him again. I knew he could figure out the question before I had even asked. He simply nodded.

I remember it clearly now. The thing held in Carlisle's hand that looked somewhat like a baby doll. That was my baby! They crushed him before my eyes! The bitter pain and agony overcame me all over again, the fire starting as it did once before. The flames embracing my stone like flesh. I thrashed in my melancholy depression, only to be stopped by Emmett. His powerful grasp around me was enough to keep me from wriggling loose. He kept me still enough, before Carlisle knelt down before me, as I glared up at him.

"If we let you continue on with the creature, Bella, you would have died. From what legend has told, the carriers never survive. We only wanted to live," he explained. I winced, turning my head away once more. I could no longer hold a grudge against any of them. It was only fair they prevent something such as that from killing. But it couldn't kill the pain and anguish I was consumed by. Though no tears would form, I cried, and howled my distress away.

"I understand," my shaky voice stammered. My distress was so heavy a burden I bore, I felt like collapsing.

"I'm... sorry I did this to you Bella," Edward voice heavy with soreness spoke.

"She no longer exists," I began, "I'm Isabella now. I never want you to call me that again." Something must've happened. I didn't want to be around him. Why would he do this to me? After a moment of calming down, Emmett's grasp loosened from around me, setting me down on my feet carefully. I looked down at myself, sickeningly pale, yet beautiful at the same time. I took a glance at myself in the reflection laying on the sliding glass window. Whoever could have known I would ever be disgusted with such a sight; that of a vampire.

This feeling would exist if they wouldn't have touched my son. If he was well, then, it would be entirely different. But his memories, along with the entire situation; it all began to fade away into a blackness in my mind. As I stared into the hell holes that deemed to be my reflections eyes, I felt something. It began to swallow me. It burned, the desire. I felt like I was dying. It scorched my throat and chest. I needed life. Some type of life! It burns, it hurts!

My eyes searched around for life, the over analyzing becoming unmistakably clear; it was for hunting down life, and satisfying the demand of what I was. The monster that screamed to destroy. With the sadness I had become, I gladly embraced it. The blackness of my mind hazed over myself conscience awareness, giving myself to the blood demanding half. It wasn't long until I noticed I wasn't even in the Cullen house anymore, but seeing I'd unconsciously jumped through a window and headed off to find something to satisfy my appetite.


	6. How Far Are you Willing To Go?

Chapter Six: How Far Are You Willing To Go To Prove You've Lost It?

How could I explain this sudden rush of anticipation, though in odd ways unable to control it? I'd never felt such a natural demand to do something as terrible as this. The thing was, I was hurting, both physically and emotionally. Emotionally, I was torn and broken. I didn't see the reason for existing at this particular moment. I felt shattered. My heart was ripped into pieces forcefully, and the people I thought I could trust the most did it to me. And now I was stuck with them for the rest of my life. Could I really do such a thing? Probably not. But as much as I wanted to just drown in my self pity, the physical pain was distracting me no matter how much I protested.

But as all stories before my own have stated, there are two sides of a vampire. I never understood how it worked, and at this very moment, I still struggled to comprehend the aspect. There was the side that was once human, which gained the ability to feel, and absorb emotions, which would collide with the other side. The other side was a monster. The true nature of what I'd come to be. It was a creature who'd been rejected of life, and desired to rip it apart. Denied life, so it demanded the life source of another. What keeps a human alive, and without it, death would overcome them? Blood. Freshly spilt, recently pulsing blood. The colour of scarlet red. Could a vampire live off of anything else that wasn't blood? My guess was yes, but I could be wrong. I'd never heard of a vampire legend otherwise stating protesting facts.

The monster was screaming of me to gain life, even if it meant stealing it from someone else. It wasn't going to stop me. They'd taken my life away from me, so I would do it to someone else. Let them see how it feels when it comes to losing something absolutely precious to them.

It didn't take long for me to forget about what I was thinking of when I smelt human. I wasn't quite sure how I'd known it was human, but I was guessing it had to do with instinct. It drove me crazy, and up a metaphoric wall. I wanted it. The throbbing pulse screamed my name. The pallet of fleshly pink had my name written all over it. I was claiming that as mine, and I'd be damned if I let anyone stop me.

The dirt under my feet seemed to fly, though it was actually me that was doing just that. The plants and small grasses blurred as I glided across the ground probably a hundred miles an hour. The clouded gray sky hid any sign of the sun, which was a relief for me. I didn't want to see anything that could represent happiness.

It was quiet. The smell so close. It made me want to pound the heel of my foot into the ground as a pout for not being able to have it at _that _moment. But finally. **Finally.** A shed door opened. Faster than a twinkling of an eye, my gaze locked on this person. I knew this person. Very familiar. The face belonged to Angela, I was positive. The familiar round face, the tan coloured skin. The brown eyes were unmistakable. That was indeed her. And she was about to be the first victim I was going to take my anger out on. How dare I do that to Angela. What gave me the right.

There wasn't much I could do to control myself. The crave to obtain life was the only real thing on my mind, behind my subconscience, the blur of my pain yelling in an attempt to catch my attention for only a brief moment. Her beat somewhat like an oscillation to me. But then, someone followed from behind her. It was Eric. But I couldn't get it through the method I used to think. For a flash second as I launched myself at them, I switched as fast as I could to Eric, instead of Angela.

My eyes flickered as I extracted his blood that flowed into me as if a famished, parched human had consumed water after an entire week. Life was returning to me. It wasn't much long after I became aware of the fact I was engulfing nothing out of the nape of his neck. I only had a light hold on apprehending what a monster I was before biting down into Angela's neck as well. She tasted better. The metallic flavor of her blood, it was like an adrenaline. It made me crave more every gulp. But as quickly as I was suctioning her life away, I was cut off, a hard hit to my head.

I was only the ground, somewhat in the position of someone who'd just jumped off a building. My legs were in funny places, and I was pounded into the dirt relatively hard enough to bury me at least two inches. My eyes skimmed the area, only to see the Cullens jumping to both me and Angela. Emmett and Jasper held down my arms and legs as I rustlessly fought against their binding hold. I wasn't done dammit. Give me a chance to fulfill my pain and demanding monstrous scream. The voice wouldn't shut up. I thrashed my head as they called my name. _Bella._ Leave me alone. I just want to hide. I don't want to feel reality. How dare they try to pull me out of my comfortable darkness!

Before I knew it, we were back at home, I still in their grasp, only this time Alice, Rosalie, and Esme held onto me. I could hear screaming, which reminded me of the time I was completely surrounded by fire. Except it wasn't my voice… it was Angelas. No! Had I done that to her? The burn in my own throat wouldn't be quiet. It wouldn't leave me alone. All three ladies could probably tell what I was feeling as I yanked away from them, still incapable of getting out.

"Carlisle," Esme began, "We're taking Bella out to the animals. She can't seem to be controlled like this."

He nodded his head, as the three walked with me out of the door. What was I? Some kind of dog that had to be on a leash? I snorted, Rosalie curling her lip in obvious disgust. Now I shared the same point of view with her. How dare I disrespect morality the way I did.

"She'll be fine once we're done here," Alice said, in which I presumed she saw or something. We came to a field of deer. They let me go, I unwillingly barraged at them. There were about seven, the other six running off as I drank it. They were child's play, catching and finishing them off with ease. After the last one, I was able to breathe. It was somewhat like being overpowered by the waves of the ocean. I had enough power to swim at the top to breathe, out of the grasp of the monstrous darkness. But it wasn't too long before they all surrounded me once again. I could think again, at least, only to be embellished with sadness. Not even three weeks ago, I was the happiest person alive. Now. Now I'm this.

"What are you waiting for," I said in a flat tone. It wasn't even in the pitch of an inquiry.

"Life to begin," answered Alice. I looked over at her. Life to begin. How was that even possible.

"One day when it's all forgotten. Maybe then," I signed.

"I feel your pain, '_Isabella'_," Rosalie remarked. I had a feeling she wasn't lying. She probably even protested against all of this. Since she desired a child so bad. Regardless, this was my issue, not theirs. Their lives could go on. Actually, mine could have to, but this giant stone was in the way of my path. I thought of Edward a moment. How did I see him? How did he see me after what I'd done?

There was no romantic pull at him. There was only the desire to hide away, giving myself to the monster. If he could only understand. He doesn't yern for the child like I do, more or less who I was a month ago. Too bad for you Edward, she's gone, and probably will be that way for a long time.

"They're waiting for us," Alice commented, signaling with a light pull toward our next destination.

"I can walk without you escorting me," I bluntly spoke.

"We can't take that chance Be-Isabella. In time, once you grow accustom to your lifestyle. It'll be hard not attacking humans the first few months. It'll be over quickly," Esme assured me. I nodded my head in frustration, and we continued onward.

Alas we'd arrived back, and the screams continued. They let me go as soon as Emmett came around me, prepared at any second my attempt to flee.

"Is it always this hard?" I asked, standing there, relentlessly staring at the wall.

"Do you know what you even did Bella?" Emmett asked me. I continued staring, letting out a grunt. Did it look like I knew? The screams went on.

"You killed your friend Bella. And if we hadn't of stopped you, you would have mercilessly died out Angela as well. There wasn't much we could do since your venom had already got into her stream. She's changing into one of us as well as we speak," Jasper explained, a disturbed look upon his face. I was in disbelief.

"Does it look like I _care? _Or do I? Was it too selfish of me to attempt to process the fact my baby was murdered in cold blood, and then I was phased into this, totally unprepared! How dare you blame this on me," I hissed back, shaking my head and walking away into another section of the house. Anger, sadness. This was all I could feel, other than blood lust. I didn't have the ability to cry the type of tears I wanted to. The only liquid inside of my frozen body was blood. And to my surprise, it's what I cried. Tears of blood. I hit my fists into the floor, stomped my foot too many times to count into the floor. Angela's screaming wasn't helping me. I wanted to destroy things. I wanted to create chaos. I wanted everyone to feel the wrath that was created from what they did to me. I just wanted my child. Everything to go back to how It was.

Then, Edward walking from behind me, and wrapped his arms around my upper chest. I didn't fight it. He was the one who got me into this, but I couldn't help it. I was in love with him, though my feelings weren't present at the moment. I let him do what he wanted to me.

"I'm _sorry_, " He whispered in my ear. What had I done? I grasped hold of his arm, and buried my face into it. This was going to be a painful chapter in my life, but I was willing to attempt to get over it.

"I'm sorry too. Forgive me.. I just wish you would have told me what you were…" I trailed off.

"It's odd. I planned for you to not be this way. But I was wrong. I know I can't… explain myself. But I hope one day, you'll understand. If you would have died, I would be in the same position as you right now." I raised my lower eye lid in the thought. I didn't want that for him. I wouldn't want anyone to feel this way.

"Don't ever mention it again," my voice cold, evenly spoke. He nodded. I exhaled.

"News is going to say _another _animal attacked.. this time, I'm responsible for it…"


	7. Work Doubled, Let's See How It Goes

Chapter Seven: Work Doubled, Let's See How It Goes

It had probably been two and a half days since I'd embraced the fact this was how I was stuck, and what they did has happened, and whatever I did wouldn't change that fact.

I was constantly bugged with the burning scorch in my chest; the blood I'd been consuming wasn't even remotely satisfying as when I'd consumed Eric's.

Though my actions were starting to haunt me, I had to accept what I did. We were gaining a new member who not any of us ever thought would have happened. It was strange. I knew what it felt like for her, since I _just _went through the transition myself. I wondered how she would see me. Angela always seemed like a forgiving person, but the fact we stole away her future, and all the possibilities that came with that, it didn't seem likely. And the reality in which I murdered her boyfriend, how will she take that? Oh, what have I gotten myself into?

I tried everything to pass by time, waiting to be able to speak with her. It was sickening, listening to her howls of pain. She was the closest thing I had to a "friend" in mortality. Why did it have to be here, I continuously questioned myself. If I could take back my actions.

It was weird how one moment I could care less, and fully self absorbed with my own problems, the next I feeling doubtlessly responsible. I wasn't exactly sure what was with the schizophrenic mood changes lately, but they were starting to stress me out. And the fact no one would leave me alone, constantly surrounding me. Just leave me alone! Driving me insane, trapped inside this prison in my mind. No way to escape. What did they do with Eric's body? Leave it there? Oh, don't worry about it, it was just a body. What story were they going to tell about Angela? The fact she was actually still alive in a strange way, though, meant she could act on her own will. Ugh.

I paced, all walls being patrolled. No way to get out of their grasp. This that this that this that, my mind darted on all sorts of new questions, every second. Though I was a new creature, it didn't much change the way I thought or saw things. It was completely as it always had been. They made it seem like it would be mind boggling. My dad, would I ever see him again? What about Jacob? He'd probably rip me apart. Yeah, life was _fucked. _And-

A heart flutter was immediately recognized, catching everyone's attention. I knew what that meant. It brought the memory of relief to me, when I was finally able to escape the fire. Angela was just waking up, probably unsure of what was going on, but also relieved to be free from that burn. We all ran up to her, she on the bed of Carlisle and Esme's. We surrounded her, well.. I was in the middle, and they circled both of us, and my natural response was to grunt. I crutched down to her, our new eyes meeting each other's for the very first time.

The core of her iris focused onto mine, hers the colour maroon, speckled with glass like fragments the colour of brown. Her skin was as pure as it could have ever of been, not a single flaw present on her face. Her lips were pretty much the same, and from what I could tell, so was her height. Her hair was overly fuller, which made me come to realize mine was as well. She blinked, no words spoken. It felt as if we stared at each other for days, but t'was only seconds. The stares around us felt more intense as well. Suddenly, she reached out her left hand, touching the side of my shoulder. Her hand was yanked away the same exact second.

_What's going on_, she thought. My eye widened. Did I just hear what she thought? I shrugged it off as she leaned forward, finally looking around at everything and everyone.

"I don't get it," she rasped in a fearful done. She shook her head in disbelief. "Is.. that my voice?" she chirped, eyes as wide as mine.

"Hello Angela," Alice chimed, stepping forward toward her. She hugged her tightly, probably to see if anything bad was going to happen, and from the looks of it, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"I don't understand!" She growled, seeming impatient. I came closer to her, because I knew what it was like. I was still dealing with it.

"Angela, you're one of us now," I told her, stricken with fear. This was probably where many of her questions would arise. I was prepared to let her know what I've done.

"_One _of you guys? What are you?"

"We're vampires," Jasper spoke. Angela didn't seem very excited about this.

"What was the burning! How did I get here! WHY?" I frowned. It was because of me, and the fact I let myself lose complete control. We were in the same boat.

"I did it to you Angela.." I sighed, flattening my lips into a straight line. It wasn't quite the reaction I was expecting. She was indeed a lot calmer than I ever was when I'd first awoken as a fletching, though she was looking through her new eyes with curiosity. I arched my neck back while observing the way she acted. She didn't seem angry, only confused. In a way, I was amused, because I remember her remark, _I wonder if they'd adopt me?~ _was finally actuality.

"We should take you out, while we explain the situation a bit more," Jasper explained to her. She nodded, her eyes still wild, analyzing everything down to the last aspect of detail. I still caught myself doing it. What was I looking at with these eyes.

"_Isabella _should come with us too," Jasper said. I nodded in agreement, and since it was going to be the two of us, who were the most ready to lunge at anything with a pulse, the entire coven decided to come. Angela didn't seem to get it either, but off we went, jumping out the nearest window just because we could. They still held onto me, regardless of _her _being the one who was going to have the demand for blood more than I.

"Angela," Carlisle explained, "There are a few things to being a vampire you need to be aware of." She shook her head to signal her listening, though she was focusing on other things.

"We won't force you to do anything, but it's more than likely you'll end up attacking humans without your knowledge. It's what Bella-Isabella did to you," he said. She turned her head at me. We could relate. I could tell she wanted to be set free, her anticipating expression deemed her desire to drink anything she could sink her teeth in. And before I blinked, she was off. She probably smelt the deer we all had. But before she could move another inch forward, Edward caught onto her leg, bringing her down onto her face. Turning her head around to him, obviously pissed, he said, "You must immediately teach yourself self control".

_Self _control, I thought, knowing I didn't care to use such a term on myself. I just wanted to feel normal. I'd be happy to work on this self control thing if I was happily content, but of course, I wasn't.

Rosalie and Alice grasped her arms and escorted her toward the top of the tree covered woody hill, overlooking where several deer were grazing. She nudged at them, her reaction to the burning sensation forcing me to notice my own, making me thrash as usual, in an attempt to get myself free. Emmett and Jasper had me too tied in for even a slight chance of escaping.

The others guarded the area, securing it to assure neither of us lost it for a split second, which could result in more human murders. They let Angela go, she snapping into the back of one of the animals. A few seconds go by and she finished two more. My turn.

I twisted the opposite direction, hearing two of them follow me as I listened to the pulse of a stronger animal. What was it? No idea. I didn't care at this point, the blood driven desire to sink my teeth into whatever it was held me under like the strong black waves of an ocean. _Kill it, _the voice in the back of my head demanded. _Cover up the pain you feel. The loss of your child. Cover it up. _It repeatedly told me. I couldn't ignore it. I was still too vulnerable. Stuck in this darkness, I couldn't control myself. It was black again, the sadness of my loss still agonizingly present.

When it started to fade, I found myself yet _again _in the other vampire's grasp. I looked down to see a man passed the limits of life. I killed two people now. Angela didn't seemed shock, but more over to the fact she was jealous at me for consuming what she wanted. Carlisle sighed.

"We invite you, Angela, to join our coven. It will be frustrating and difficult, but it will allow you to participate and interact with human life, if you learn to control yourself." The jealousy she felt was definitely not the actual her, but the monster I'd created her into.

"As long as I can still see my dad," she muttered, "and my brothers.. and mom.. Eric.." the last name caught my attention.

"Eric's dead," I spat, turning away in shame. No reason to lie. I did something ugly, and it ended just how it had like this.

"I take it you lost it on me and him like you did this man…" she trailed off while eying the man that lay dead on the ground. Her hair softly blew as the breeze blew at us. She looked up to see the summer sun, her eyes perfect replicas of rubies. The cloudy day had disappeared, and what the sun did to us was something that seemed to be abnormal. We shined. It made me depressed. Signs of happiness tended to do that.

"Take those two home," Carlisle ordered, "we'll take that of this mess." Edward and Esme stayed behind as Angela and I were escorted back into the house in the hands of Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice. What a life. My guess was they were going to drag the shackles and chains out next, but that wouldn't even sustain us even a moment. They couldn't lock us away, nor could they bury us. We'd find a way out. I wasn't even sure this was what I wanted to do.

I wanted to forget everything, so nothing could ever come between the old me and the new me. What could I do though, that was the concern I had. This wasn't the lifestyle I desired. Perhaps in the future it would change, since so many vampires do exactly that, reminisce their regrets at a much wiser age. I guessed that's what would happen to me. It got me thinking. How would I restart. Who would I be. How would I be.

I exhaled a moment, thinking about the possibilities that once existed while I was still human with my child. I imagined his face. It was gorgeous. It didn't compare to Edward's, but, it was breath taking nonetheless. What would I have named him? Probably something a bit different, nothing that had ever been heard before. What's the use of wondering, I thought, taking in the air around me. It consisted of several scents, none that smelt appetizing, which was probably for the best. It was mostly nature. The woods around us generated that kind of a scent every part of the day. The moments flew by as I lost myself in possible thought, as they opened the door for us.

I stepped in, frustrated as ever. I didn't want to be alive at this moment. After what I'd become, and lost, what have I gained! I'm a murdering creature with no self control, and no desire to continue on. The others backed off a reasonable amount and gave me the space I desired. I buried my face into my knees to attempt to restrain myself from wanting to rebel and attack anything.

Angela was herself for the moment, stepping toward me, lowering herself down to my level, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"You do have a reason to live, just because you lost many things doesn't mean that. Look at me," she assured me. I narrowed my eyes toward her, confused at what she just said. How did she know that, I didn't tell her anything.

"Do I?" I remarked at her statement, noticing where her hand was at that moment. I turned my head at Jasper.

"How long does it take to figure out your special abilities?" I asked. It was shown Jasper hadn't let go my earlier comment.

"It's present the moment you wake up," he answered me, "It's just a matter of how long it takes one to realize it's there".

My mind darted, "Angela, touch Jasper". She was puzzled, but did so. Touching his arm, she looked at me and waited for my explanation.

"What's on his mind?"

"That's clearly obvious. She's frustrated with himself. It's bugging him, whatever the issue may be. He hasn't let it go". I smirked.

"That's your ability," I said, burying my face again. She rose an eyebrow.

"Knowing how they feel? It's something I've been able to do awhile, looking at them, it's kinda easy". It made me wonder what mine was. But it all came to a stop when I heard the other three returning from the cleanup. Angela returned to my side, we remaining in the middle of what seemed to be the relations of a child and baby sitter. I needed to figure everything out, so perhaps I could achieve happiness.


	8. Last Minute Change

Chapter Eight: Last Minute Change

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned into hours. Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. That's what it was. All that tolled my bell. The ticking of the clock. It's what kept me going. It's all I had. Time. Time was what I looked at, in hopes of it changing my mind, or, perhaps, reversing what had happened. No matter how much I stared at it, blinked, breathed, hoped, wished, prayed, etc; it didn't change anything. The first few days were the hardest. I struggled to keep my self control, losing it every so often. The Cullen's would eventually get more protective every time Angela or I lost it. And it happened several times. A day after my second human murder, I attacked and killed two more people. A week after that, I attacked four people, forcing yet another one into our world.

Angela only got the last of human blood once. The second she bit into her first human, she swore the flavor of blood was like poison, a bitter overwhelming sensation that sent shocks to her senses, signaling a gag reflex. Of course, that was only her human conscience. I was sure she enjoyed it, the monster side of her.

We'd been forced to drink the animal blood, and it was alright, and since I tried not to worry about the burn, it didn't bother me much. We went out to find victims every week or so since our demand had died down. All of us we doing alright, physically. I was haunted every so often about what it was that I wanted the most, but I always came to terms the creature never existed. Most everyone got over the tongue twister of referring to me as Bella. They all have it nailed. I'm _Isa_bella.

I hadn't seen much of the outside world. There wasn't any more Rene or Charlie, or Jacob. No more wolves. Why not? Because no one ever knew we returned.

As for me and Edward, I think the fact I'd been so occupied with my new self, we seemed to of drawn apart. The obsessive need for him died. It took the slow amount of time to make it become this way, but it has become the new reality in which we've both come to accept. I wasn't sure if it was the same for him, but I was hoping it was, because if not, I didn't want to imagine the terrible ideas he was feeling. Anyways, it didn't stop us from being "married". We indeed still had sex from time to time, possibly in an attempt to re connect, but it failed. I was just too occupied with what they'd created for me. This wasn't the life I wanted.

Angela, while being escorted by Jasper, told her parents she was moving in with the Cullen's to study under Carlisle for medicine, and that she'd be gone a long time. It was sad for me to see how she was when she returned, knowing that she wasn't going to be able to see them much ever again, except for maybe an occasional phone call.

Jasper forgave my harsh words, but hasn't spoken much to me since. Rosalie and I are as distant as usual. She seems aggravated having to watch over us all the time. What else was she going to do, grow her ego by staring in the mirror all the time? Alice and I also became distant. I closed myself to her though she'd try to come in and come close. Esme and I are alright, she can relate to me and my situation regarding the loss of a child. But Carlisle, he and I became the most distant. I know it was mostly Edward's doing, but he acted out the plan. It brought me grief, and it wasn't exactly what I wanted to feel. But it was all thanks to him for making me experience this emptiness. The struggles I constantly face in depression, rather than courage. It was how I wanted it...

As for me and my family, I decided to cut off all communication. I don't know what Carlisle told Charlie or Jacob (since they were both up mine and Edward's ass the entire trip), but it seems that whatever they told them, everything worked.

Boredom. This was immortality?

Emmett was flipping through the TV channels, past fox 8, to cartoon network. None of it caught my interest. What I kept myself occupied doing was reading books, and studying the German language. Why? God only knows why. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. Since I couldn't be around humans, there just wasn't a thing "normal" around. Times like this was when I'd attempt to figure out what it was I was capable of doing. What had I gained through the transformation? Some strange realizations were experienced at times, catching only slight glimpses of what people thought, which was sometimes why I considered I had a lesser version of Edward's little ability. And still, he cannot read me at all. I'm alone in my prison, and for now, I was alright with that.

Currently, my head was bobbing comfortably above the ocean of pain, sorrow, and bloodlust, and it was alright. I could really complain. But I wanted a change, as I sat there blankly staring at the TV. I thought of it. I knew what I wanted. I would ask. I felt like a shy child, afraid to ask If they could have something, for the fear of rejection to their request.

Rosalie leaned against the wall, staring out the window, Edward at the stool of the piano watching the TV, Alice and Jasper standing outside of the house. I believed Carlisle was out doing is work as a doctor, and Esme was doing some hunting on her own. I glanced over at Angela who was staring at a wall, probably in deep thought, since that's what I did when I thought long and hard. I didn't much mind though when I was interrupted, so I was positive she wouldn't either as I approached her.

"Ang," I said, grabbing hold of her hand the way Aro did when he was about to read someone's mind. She quickly took notice to me, breaking whatever trance she might have been in. She rose her eye brows awaiting my explanation for bothering her. Her thoughts weren't safe while Edward was around. This was going to be somewhat annoying. It phased me the fact Edward and Alice made things practically impossible to carry out. I growled, and hurried to cover up my original intentions.

"Are you burning? You look uncomfortable," I said. She lowered an eyebrow, now puzzled. That was alright. I had to somehow make this impossible.

"We need out," I explained. Alice nodded her head. It'd been a decent amount of time to the point of only Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, and Rosalie would come instead of the entire coven. Trust issues. How annoying. While we were going, I had an entire plot brewing inside of my mind. I considered every obstacle, and ever inconvenience that would stand in my way. As we made our way out into the wooded area, my concoction of a plan was laid out. I knew what I wanted now. I wanted to be away from these creatures. I wasn't ready to stewp down into their level, and suffer the way they've deemed necessary. Not for me at this point.

I was going to run, and I was inviting Angela to come with me. We could be nomads. The only factors I was faced with was Angela's thoughts, for If I told her, Edward would surely read them, and Alice and her visions. Plus, getting around these vampires. Rosalie would probably let us go, I could sense she didn't care for me or Angela much. She preferred it more when we weren't around.

Throwing Emmett off first, Jasper and Edward next, and then Alice. Alice might be a factor, but then again she might not. She cared enough to want everyone to be happy. And if it meant letting us escape, she might let it slide. But if she did, Edward would see what she saw, and attempt to stop us. I knew Jasper had a weakness to blood. Hell, so did I and Angela. Perhaps if we were full to our limits, it wouldn't phase Angela nor myself. This was going to take a lot more to act out than merely plan. It all had to do with timing. And when the moment would arise, I wouldn't hesitate to get out of their grasp.


End file.
